oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
