Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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