i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
