Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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