she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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