my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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