apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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