3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
This toilet bowl is my home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
