Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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