I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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