After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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