We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
