Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
