Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize