Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
