You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
