I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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