I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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