While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
