Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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