They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
