Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
