i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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