I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
