She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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