i think my mom watched the whole time
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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