I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
