I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
