I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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