my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
