dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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