like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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