I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
