Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
