Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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