Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
