I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
