I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
