She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
