Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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