If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
