Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
