i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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