Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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