advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
