What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
