I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
