I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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