if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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