so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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