Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Someone shattered a urinal.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
