my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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