It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize