was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
