my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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