I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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