I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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