I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
