It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
