he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
