I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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