My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
