Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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