Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
