handjob tips. give me some.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
