Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize