I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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