Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
