Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
