Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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