I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
