Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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