I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
