I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
