I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
