he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize