Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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