Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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