she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
