Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
