I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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