he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
