i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My Sexting was not on an AP level
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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