There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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