I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
