I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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