I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
