You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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