i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
