guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
