I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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