at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
