he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
