I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
