Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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