Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
