If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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