Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
