i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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