my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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