Just took my morning after pill in the library
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
