he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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