whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
