You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
