so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
