I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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