he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize