We named our party play list daddy issues
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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