So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
