i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
