Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
