How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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