I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize